As we do our best to live in a society that is so out of alignment with life, it’s a good time to get really honest about two things regarding relationships:
- How vital relationships are for our personal and collective wellbeing, and
- How challenging it is to drop our judgments of others and address conflicts in healthy ways.
If you are suffering right now because of friction in an intimate or family relationship, a challenge with a co-worker, or any other kind of relationship, you’re in very good company and this article is for you.
The Big Picture
I’m not going to elaborate on the two points made above because I think they are obvious enough, with one exception—the inclusion of collective wellbeing. Most relationship coaches would never think to put your personal relationship challenges into a larger social context. I find that approach far too limited as we face climate destabilization, perpetual war, untenable inequality and injustices, and all the other things that will force us to transform dramatically or perish.
Healing Relationships, Healing the World
We need each other more than ever now, and we are called to learn to get along not so much “better,” as deeper. It’s not about nice, it’s about radical truth-telling and survival. Our future depends on groups of people being able to work together in humble, empowering, and creative ways. It’s all too easy to say, “check your ego at the door” and pretend that that’s enough. It’s not nearly enough.
Does this larger perspective help inspire you to more actively engage the main relationship challenge that’s up for you right now?
Foundations for Healing and Thriving
When I created the Four Foundations of Active Peace, and as I wrote the book Active Peace, it was with great awareness of the importance and challenges of dealing with other people. It’s the main pain point that got me on the path in the first place! And when I finally got some communication and other relationship tools I couldn’t help but look back on the trail of broken relationships and wonder how my life might have been different if I’d had some skills and training in how to be an adult in relationships.
As I filled my toolbox with what was available I also added pieces that make my approach to coaching more holistic and contextual. Some of this is reflected in the cyclical nature of the foundations. Whenever I describe these I start with mindfulness and move clockwise around the wheel. I always emphasize strengthening our relationship to self through mindfulness (self-awareness and self-acceptance) and deepening our relationship to the earth as foundations needed to stay grounded and centered in the challenging territory of relationships with other people.
In the last quadrant, healing the relationship to world through transformational activism, we bring in our work in the other three quadrants as foundations that support us we interact in groups and with people we might not otherwise hang out with. Transformational activism is relational, it’s about communication and working with the ego. So we naturally find ourselves coming back to the need to be mindful and present. And around the wheel we go again.
The Game Changer
So whether it’s saving your marriage, connecting with a closed down kid or office mate, please remember that whatever you do to deepen relationships matters—a lot! In a universe where there is no separation, prioritizing relationships is a hallmark of mature human beings and a harbinger of a more peaceful, just, and environmentally sane world.
Taking responsibility for how you show up in relationships and living your values no matter what is the game changer! It’s in this full and embodied engagement with life where you will find ease and growth in relationships, and a felt sense of belonging, support, and meaning.
I’d be happy to support you with transformational coaching. We can easily work long distance if you don’t live in the Boulder area.
You can start with my e-book The Relationship Roadmap, which is delivered free to your inbox when you sign up at www.4activepeace.com.
Wishing you all the best,
Scott
Schedule a free consultation today!